Here’s the truth: I’m not dealing well with our most recent transition. Moving to New York City was supposed to be “everything I ever wanted,” but it has not been easy.
I’m still working through my thoughts and feelings on everything, and it’s hard to talk and/or write about without sounding ungrateful. I don’t want to complain all the time. I actually wrote a couple of very miserable paragraphs that I immediately erased because I’m trying really hard not to fill this space with so much negativity.
But sometimes… sometimes life is tough and you just want to rant and complain and put all of your feelings out there. I don’t want to be the kind of person (or blogger) who only posts pretty pictures and fills their blog with wonderful inspiring stories that show off how amazing and fun their life is, because life just isn’t like that all the time. Sometimes I need to share the hard, un-pretty, complain-y things. (After all, this is my space and I’ll cry if I want to.)
(I also know that it has been through blogging that I’ve “met” so many other great blog friends who are so real and uplifting. Thanks to you all for sharing the un-pretty and hard situations in your life, too, because it’s through those types of connections and by reading and relating to those stories that I don’t feel so alone or ungrateful or complain-y.)
I’m homesick. So, so homesick. After two years away from my family, two months with them was a dream. From Downton Abbey marathons with my mom and family dinners around the table in my childhood home with her and my dad to cooking dinner with my mother-in-law and watching crazy movies with her and my father-in-law… Time with family is so wonderful, and nothing makes you realize that like being really far away from them. Again.
We’ve been down this road once. We’re completely starting over, again. We’re in a city where we don’t really know anyone, again. We have barely any belongings, again. It’s tough. It’s making me question whether or not this is what I really want.
So I go back and forth, alternating between the excitement of living here and the reality of daily life: work, chores, bills, and other mundane aspects of daily life are the same no matter which city you live in. It’s what you do in your free time that defines your lifestyle, and right now I’m trying to determine what kind of lifestyle it is that I want.
Don’t mistake me for completely miserable, though. We are having fun here! We’re exploring and trying new restaurants and wandering through new neighborhoods. We’re seeing things we’ve heard and read of and making mental checklists of things we want to do and see in the future. Life is exciting here, but life can be really exciting and really difficult at the same time.